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Owning My Antsy

I’m antsy! Mentally, I am shaking my leg, tapping my pen, walking around the room looking for something to do.

In the past, on days I felt antsy, I would clean my house from top to bottom, reorganize my office, rearrange furniture, go outside to start a new project. Just let my body stretch, my physical energy exhaust itself, and my mind turn off from my constant overthinking.

In the present, what do I do when I feel antsy? Good question that I am still trying to find a good answer for. What can I do since I cannot physically distract myself? I still want to take hold of a project and immerse myself. I still want to tackle those cobwebs I know are hanging in a corner. I still want to move my bedroom furniture around to have a different view. What I wouldn’t give to start yanking weeds from my once attractive flowerbeds.

In reality, when I am feeling antsy now, I have gotten into the bad habit of just shutting down. What use to spur me to action now drives me to inaction. I, instead, drown myself in watching tv or surfing Facebook. I work hard to ignore the spark running through my body and mind. I escape into writing resumes, scoring essays, or searching for a new job to fill the void.

Taking a hard look at myself, I see that I put things I once found relief and motivation in on the back burner. My writing has slipped from pages. The books I could devour 3-4 a week remain unopened. The drive to create seems to have dwindled. Getting out of bed feels more like a burden than a challenge. I have smothered my antsy.

This is not okay. This is not who I am. Starting today, I am OWNING MY ANTSY. This blog is my first step after not putting my thoughts into print for a couple of months. It feels cathartic. Not quite as good as cleaning my house from top to bottom, but I feel a release of some pent up, smothered energy. I feel some accomplishment.

Is antsy really the right word to describe all of this? Probably not, but it is what I felt this morning.

How about you? When was the last time you felt antsy? Did you own it or smother it?

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